Your User Manual: Understanding Yourself
Have you ever felt like you're operating without a user manual? This is a great opportunity to reflect on what makes you, you. By understanding your core tendencies, you can better navigate your interactions with the world and with yourself.
On Curiosity and Creativity
You have a natural ability to listen to and consider new perspectives and ideas, which you sometimes incorporate into your own way of thinking. While you may not consider yourself an artist, you enjoy trying new things and approaching tasks differently.
On Your Approach to Work
You're a careful and organized person who likes to get things done accurately. Your friends probably come to you to get help planning parties or trips. You’re likely to be detailed and methodical in your approach to projects, and you make decisions in a thoughtful and efficient way.
On Your Social Style
Others see you as energetic, animated, and social. You're comfortable meeting new people and exploring new places, but it's important to recognize that not everyone is as outgoing as you are. As you engage with others, remember to give them the space they need to feel comfortable.
On Confidence and Conviction
You're confident in your opinions, but when others don't agree with you, you may feel frustrated. When this happens, challenge yourself to be a curious listener. Instead of reacting, try asking, “Tell me more.” This gives you space to consider another point of view and can lead to a more productive conversation.
On Managing Stress
People see you as a balanced individual. You're not immune to stress, but you’re skilled at keeping it in check and moving on from it. Your ability to manage pressure helps you stay grounded even when things get tough.
On Being Genuine
You're genuine in your interactions and can adjust your behavior and communication style depending on the situation without losing sight of who you really are. This adaptability allows you to connect with a wide range of people.
Your Inner Critic: The Voice in Your Head
Do you ever hear a little voice in your head that says, "You’re not doing enough," or, "You’re going to mess this up"? That's your inner critic. While this voice can feel like the absolute truth, it's not. It's a voice you learned, not one you were born with.
Where Does the Inner Critic Come From?
Childhood Conditioning: As a child, you internalized messages not just from words, but from tone, silence, and facial expressions. If love felt conditional or mistakes were met with shame, you may have learned that you need to be perfect to be loved.
Echoes of Others' Voices: The comments of parents, teachers, and even peers can stick with you. Over time, remarks like "You’re too loud" or "Why can’t you be more like your sibling?" become part of your internal dialogue.
A Need for Control: When children experience pain or chaos, they sometimes blame themselves to feel in control of an uncontrollable situation. This belief that "if I were better, this wouldn’t have happened" can stick around for a lifetime.
An Attempt to Protect You: Ironically, your inner critic often tries to help you. It's trying to shield you from failure or prevent disappointment. However, it does this in a way that often hurts more than it helps.
How to Respond to Your Inner Critic
Awareness is the first step. When your inner critic speaks, notice it, then gently question it. Ask yourself:
Whose voice is that?
Is this actually true, or does it just feel familiar?
What would I say to a friend who felt this way?
You can learn to speak back with compassion and rewire your internal dialogue. You can build a relationship with yourself that's rooted in truth, not fear.
When Something “Hits a Nerve”: Understanding Your Triggers
We've all been there: a small comment sets off a big emotional reaction. Suddenly, your heart races, your body tenses, and your thoughts spiral. This is a trigger, and it's your nervous system sounding an alarm. It's not about being dramatic; it’s a clue that something old and unresolved has been touched.
A trigger isn't about what someone just did; it’s about what that moment brought up in you.
For example:
Someone ignores your message, and you feel abandoned.
You receive feedback, and you feel like you’re not good enough.
Someone raises their voice, and you freeze or get defensive.
These intense feelings aren’t about the current moment. They’re about a deeper emotional wound—something that's likely been there for years. Triggers reveal the places inside you that are still tender, unhealed, and often rooted in beliefs like, "I’m not worthy" or "I’m not safe."
How to Respond to Your Triggers
When you feel triggered, try this instead of reacting:
Pause: Take a breath and acknowledge what's happening.
Name it: Say to yourself, "I'm feeling really angry/anxious/hurt right now."
Get Curious: Ask yourself, "What does this remind me of?"
Offer Compassion: Remember that this part of you needs kindness, not shame.
You don't have to fix everything at once. By meeting your triggers with curiosity instead of judgment, you open the door to deep healing.
Your Past Is Not Your Future: Rewriting Your Story
Have you ever wondered why you have certain patterns in your life, like:
Putting others' needs ahead of your own?
Struggling to speak up or set boundaries?
Constantly people-pleasing or avoiding conflict?
These aren't just personality traits; they're often coping patterns formed in childhood, long before you had a choice.
From birth to around age 7, your brain was in a highly absorbent state. You soaked in information and experiences, learning what you needed to do to feel safe, accepted, or loved.
If you grew up in a home where emotions weren't talked about, you may shut yours down now.
If you were expected to achieve or be perfect, you might link your self-worth to your productivity.
If you had to walk on eggshells, you may now avoid conflict at all costs.
These early messages shaped how you relate to yourself and others. The good news is that you're not stuck. Even if your wiring began in childhood, you can rewire it now. Awareness is the first step, compassion is the second, and support can help with the rest.
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